Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
