If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
