I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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