he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
