Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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