When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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