Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
