I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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