our cab driver is having phone sex.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
