Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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