dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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