and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize
