i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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