Having a random hookup so left but love u
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
