I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
