i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
