He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
