i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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