Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
