just tell him i said nine months
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
