"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
