i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Threesome in a minivan. New low
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
