Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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