Barsexuality is the new black.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
the raccoons are back...
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