watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I could make wine with my vomit
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
