I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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