I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
