Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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