I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
