I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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