she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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