Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
