Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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