Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
