Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
how does that bad decision feel?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
