I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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