turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
sex in a hospital.. check
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
