Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My feet surprised me
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