Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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