By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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