I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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