Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
