The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
