Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
bring money and cleavage
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
