p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
