I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
