if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
