Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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