I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
