In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
