just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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