so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
