I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
