Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
