Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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