So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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