I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
