please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
