HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
