I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
