please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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